Welcome to Between You and Me, an opt-out from the algorithm’s personality of the week. No gatekeeping, just honest opinions. You’re on the invite list, so let’s spill!
Between me and you, we should throw out the phrase “being petty.” It’s done more to silence people than describe them. Maybe it’s time we reclaim it or replace it altogether.
Some phrases come prepackaged as insults: “you’re being overdramatic,” “you’re too much,” “you’re being petty.” We’ve heard them so often that the negative connotation hits before the words even land. But if you really think about it, these phrases weren’t created to help us understand ourselves. They were crafted to quiet us. To make us shrink and downplay our emotions. To keep us from naming our feelings or pushing back when something doesn’t sit right. They’re less descriptions and more silencers, designed to make us doubt the very emotions trying to protect us.
Let’s start here: What does “petty” even mean? According to Onward Psychological Services, “petty” is defined as “behavior or actions that focus on trivial matters, usually to the detriment of harmony and goodwill. It involves giving undue importance to minor details or offenses, often accompanied by an exaggerated response.”
“Undue importance to minor details.” Wow. Honestly, this is a perfect example of how language gets weaponized. It’s a tidy little phrase that basically says, “your feelings don’t matter.” It frames any emotional reaction as an overreaction, any boundary as an inconvenience and any self‑advocacy as unnecessary drama. In other words, it’s evidence of how easily our emotions get dismissed before we even have the chance to understand them.
In an experiment conducted by Tami Kim, Ting Zhang and Michael I. Norton, they found that petty acts feel satisfying because they allow people to assert control, signal boundaries and restore a sense of justice in certain low-stakes situations. Seems like a fair deal to me.
We all know this scenario: a friend only hits you up when they need something. They’re not valuing you — they’re using you. Choosing not to answer isn’t losing anything — it’s clarity. You’re simply letting go of someone who never gave you the energy you deserved in the first place. That’s not petty. That’s protecting your peace.
Try another one. Imagine you’re the most decorated freestyle skier in Olympic history and you’ve just won another silver medal. A male journalist asks you the most petty question, “Do you see this as two silvers gained or two golds lost?”
This is a real situation that happened to Eileen Gu, the aforementioned No. 1 freestyle skier in Olympic history. Her response was automatic and incredibly done: “I’m the most decorated female freeskier in history. I think that’s an answer in and of itself.”
Afterward, she added, “The two medals lost situation, to be quite frank with you, I think is kind of a ridiculous perspective to take. I’m showcasing my best skiing, I’m doing things that quite literally have never been done before and so I think that is more than good enough, but thank you.”
Many saw her response as petty, which is predictable, honestly. Research shows that women who assert themselves are judged more harshly than men, so “petty” becomes an easy label to shut Gu down without engaging with what she actually said.
So, has the “petty” label overstayed its welcome? I think it has. Setting boundaries is essential, and sometimes a little pettiness isn’t about spite and serves more for self‑protection. Maybe the definition of petty is the problem. If “petty” means surviving a world that keeps testing our patience, then a small, strategic pinch of pettiness is really just boundary maintenance. Now that’s something I’ll always endorse.
Because the truth is, we secretly love being petty. Maybe the word isn’t the insult people think it is. Maybe it’s a reminder that we’re allowed to defend ourselves, even in small, slightly dramatic ways. Reclaiming pettiness might be the most honest form of boundary‑setting we have.
Your thoughts are my favorite read. Email me at [email protected]!
Marissa Hunt is a junior at UT this year studying journalism. She can be reached at [email protected].
Columns and letters of The Daily Beacon are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Beacon or the Beacon’s editorial staff.
