Cocaine Bear starts when you read the title for the first time. Can you think of a single film with a more compelling name? It certainly stands out among its competitors. Why wouldn’t you want to watch a feature film about a cocaine-addicted bear?
And that’s exactly what the film offers, even taking place right here in Knoxville. However, that’s all the narrative has to offer. It acts as a running gag that just runs on too long.
In late 1985, the body of a drug smuggler was found lying on a driveway in Knoxville, Tennessee. In an attempt to lose the feds, the smuggler in question strapped 15 million dollars’ worth of cocaine onto his body and jumped from a plane filled to the brim with said substance. Unfortunately for him, his greed would be his downfall. The cocaine was too heavy, causing his parachute to fail and ultimately kill him.
However, he left a significant portion of packaged cocaine spread throughout Chattahoochee Forest. Later, authorities discovered the body of a black bear who had consumed an estimated amount of 35 pounds worth of cocaine. Unlike the movie, the bear overdosed on the spot. Wouldn’t it be interesting if things became even more chaotic?
Not necessarily. At least, not in this adaptation of the peculiar story. The first thing that stands out is that the overall narrative isn’t nearly as horrible as you might think. With the main selling point being a deadly mammal consuming a copious amount of hardcore drugs, you’d think it would get old within the first 30 minutes or so.
The script keeps things fairly fresh, however. It’s stupid, campy and entirely cliché, but that’s what you would expect. The trope does, however, overstay its welcome. The film is not quite similar to Sharknado in quality. The effects are slightly better, and there are actual character arcs, if you can call them that.
That still doesn’t quite make it a “good” film. The CGI bear is pretty fake-looking, the sets are plain and there are too many characters, with many of them serving no purpose.
It’s important for such slasher films to host many shallow characters just to kill them off, but the way it’s executed in this film just feels hollow and wholly unfulfilling. Typically, there’s a buildup for each character that results in an ultimate conclusion for their arc, usually some kind of poetic death or revelation they experience before their end.
The characterization almost feels akin to that of Michael Bay’s Transformers franchise, where you feel your time is wasted on unimpactful, boring characters when you came just to see giant robots fight.
The same is true for Cocaine Bear. While the bear gets a decent amount of screen time, you’ll spend much of the movie waiting for characters to finish some dry dialogue or banter. The survivors, obviously, are the only characters to reach the end of their arcs. Everyone else’s arc feels cut short, leaving you unsatisfied. Though, that’s not the selling point of the movie.
You’re not here to watch the next James Cameron or Steven Spielberg movie. It’s called “Cocaine Bear.” It’s there to be laughed at. It does have some decent gags and over-the-top deaths. Sure, you can deflect any critique based on the fact of “it’s not supposed to be a good movie,” but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t improve.
It could be funnier, feature more deaths and even more opportunities to make your skin crawl. None of the performances were memorable and were nearly subpar at best. Sure, you can “turn your brain off” and enjoy, but there’s always going to be some painfully conspicuous flaws.
All in all, “Cocaine Bear” being “Cocaine Bear” isn’t a solid excuse for its lacking traits. There’s not always enough cocaine, and certainly not enough bear. However, I do believe it’s overall worth your time.
Sure, it has some wasted potential, but the film is still a good time. Most audiences will surely draw something they appreciate from the film, earning the movie’s mediocre reviews. If you want a silly slasher flick to watch with your friends this week, look no further.
2.5/5 Torches
