Here are a few topics I’d like to address in mini-columns. I’m sad these never got to appear in a column before, or rather, I was sad.

Progressive Student Alliance sides with Palestine, Israel quakes in terror

As Israel continued its assault on Gaza, the international community turned its eyes to that nexus of geopolitical thought, the University of Tennessee, where dwells a caustic band of renegades known by some as the Progressive Student Alliance.

These intellectual rogues held a day of solidarity with Palestine, and thus it was spoke.

Israel retreated within hours of hearing the news. They agreed that no matter how much the terrorist groups attack them, no matter how many Israeli citizens die, they will take on the surrounding region peacefully, a region that has no intention of ever establishing peace with what they deem to be an illegal state. A Jewish state, that religion they so hate.

At this day of solidarity, our rebellious scholars gathered together and … and … did what exactly? Stood? Check. Talked about that conservative they PWNED in a shouting match? Check. Looked at each other? Check. Breathed? Check. Check. Anything else? Am I missing something?

To you PSA members who’ve read this far, a real, genuine non-rhetorical question: By sending letters to Tennessee congressman calling for a ceasefire, what do you hope to accomplish? Do you honestly believe that the opinions of undergraduates at a state school will merit any kind of serious response from men who have constituents and lobbyists to satisfy?

I guess it’s true. Those who matter the least do indeed make the most noise.

Border Guard Recruitment Drive

Need a job? Join the border guards today. We need strong, patriotic young men like you to defend our line in the sand. From shooting unarmed immigrants to forming a human shield against strong wind, you will ensure our freedom from those seeking a better life.

Do it today. Your country needs you.

I’d Rather Be Dancing

The other day I saw a girl carrying a purse that said “I’d Rather Be Dancing.”

Does that apply across the board? What if she’s been lost in the desert for a week without water? Would she “rather be dancing” then? Me, I’d rather be drinking some water. Water cures thirst, or so I’ve heard.

But if it does not apply across the board, then in what situations would she rather be dancing? And if so, why not put that on the purse somewhere? A little asterisk, followed by “in specific situations” or the neutral favorite, “Some Restrictions May Apply. Void Where Prohibited. Not Valid in Alaska or Hawaii.”

I can safely say that in certain situations, I’d rather be dancing, and in certain situations, I’d rather not be dancing.

For example, if I was being robbed, then I’d rather be dancing. I’d much rather be dancing.

However, if I’m eating a slice of cheese I bought at Sonic (as their cheese is far superior to other fast food chains’), I’d rather not be dancing. Cheese rules.

Christians Against Gay Marriage

Christians who are against gay marriage amuse me, as I was not aware that when Jesus said “love thy brother” and “do unto others as you would have done unto yourself,” that he was just joking. Odd, but apparently, it’s a big joke. Otherwise, why don’t they take it seriously? Do you think that might be putting their own bigotry above the religion they claim to follow? Maybe? Possibly?

— Travis Lee is a UT alumnus. He can be reached at [email protected].