Topic: An Alternate Route
As we begin another semester of papers, problem sets and parties, it is worthwhile to reflect upon our experiences in past semesters. This columnist would like to offer a series of reflections that might be described as “Things I Have Not Yet Learned in College and Probably Never Will.” Freshmen, pay attention.
1. Your Textbooks Will Cost You an Arm, a Leg and a Kidney — I seem to repress the book-purchasing part of the beginning of the semester. I’m fairly certain I could have financed a guerilla movement in a small Latin American country with the amount I’ve spent on books the past three years. Those professors with readings on Course Reserves? Angels from heaven.
2. How to Write a Paper the Night Before It’s Due — No matter my intentions at the beginning of the semester, no matter how much I want to impress my teacher or how interesting the paper topic, I never seem to be able to work ahead on my papers. I don’t know where my time goes. (That’s a lie. My time is split between classes, naps, Facebook and Jon Stewart.) Plus, a due date is a “do” date, not a “do this two weeks ahead” date. If your professor can’t tell a difference, why does it matter if you finish thirty minutes before turning in the paper? (Note: This approach should only be taken if you are a decent writer. If you’re not, I’m sorry. You can almost certainly beat me in Mario Kart, so we’re evenly matched in life skills.) There’s also that adrenaline rush that comes from having four hours to finish your five-page paper. Better than rollercoasters, and cheaper, too!
3. The Effects of Sudoku/Crossword Puzzles on the Absorption of Information during Lecture — I’m sure there’s an equation that could express the inverse relationship between the amount of time I spend in a class solving puzzles and my performance in said class. Sadly, I worked on Sudoku puzzles all through my trig and calc classes and don’t remember a thing.
4. How to Avoid Those People Who Insist on Talking on the Quiet Floors in Hodges — I’m pretty sure I attract them like honey attracts bees. “Does it look like she’s reading a tedious journal article and having trouble concentrating? Awesome! Let’s go sit next to her and talk about our plans for the weekend, distracting her so she has to read the same page four times.” Of course, I am always kind and considerate and never gossip loudly when others around me are trying to study. Oh, wait…
5. That the Strip Should Be Avoided on Game Days, Especially After the Game is Over — Somehow my friends and I always think there won’t be much of a wait at some restaurant on the Strip, because we left a few minutes before everyone else. Or that if we wait until 45 minutes after the game has ended to go eat, we will be fine. False. Traffic will always be bad, and there is always a wait. (Note: While the Strip should be avoided as an option for dining during game days, on those same nights, it provides endless amusement. Lots and lots of drunken people doing, saying and wearing dumb things. Take a camera. Unless you’re one of them. In that case, see number six.)
6. Those Pictures Will End Up on Facebook — You can bet on it, like taking Secretariat.
7. Ineffectiveness of Rain Gear — When you bring your umbrella/raincoat/newspaper to class to hold over your head, it will not rain. When you forget these things, it will. This is more of a life lesson than something I’ve learned specifically at UT, but it’s worth repeating. You psych majors can babble all you want about “selective memory,” that doesn’t help you when you’re standing in the Humanities and Social Sciences building, staring into a monsoon, hoping lab on the Hill is canceled because you left your kayak at home.
God speed this semester ladies and gentlemen. Hope it’s a good one.
— Leigh Dickey is a junior in global studies. She can be reached at [email protected].
