Christmas shopping: It’s a difficult subject. I will try to address it on a number of fronts.

It is generally agreed upon that gifts are not the purpose of the holiday season, unless of course you’re a young child. Drive by the mall any weekend, or by Best Buy at 5 a.m. after Thanksgiving, and you will notice a slight difference from the usual. It is unmistakable how much more we buy and spend during such holiday seasons. If we were giving what people need, then logically, we would spend no more in December than we do during the rest of the year. That is clearly not the case. Or, we might say that if we were truly practicing the actions of love, we ought to be giving this many gifts throughout the entire year, which would also make late November and December indistinct from the rest of the year. The middle ground is simple to find: We set aside this time for a bit of luxury. We spoil our friends and family.

This is all well. But do we really know what luxury is? Are we really doing what is good for ourselves and for our fellows?

No one reads books on why materialism is great and why everyone should covet things and decide to be materialistic. No movie, show or music is explicitly stating, “All there is to the good life is stuff.” It is the message implicit in all the media and our culture that does the damage. No one is really to blame. Businesses create jobs and want to make profit. Consumers want to live an easier, more efficient or just plain old more fun life. So what is the harm in that?

Distraction. Wealth is dangerous, and it is especially dangerous as a distraction from what is valuable or as a misuse of resources. There are a lot of worthy causes that would appreciate our money more than we do when we spend it on ourselves. The more stuff you have, the more stuff you have to worry about. Lack of things drives us inevitably toward other people, simple pleasures of life and appreciation.

Over Thanksgiving break, I enjoyed being with my family. I hope Christmas break is the same. Going on a hike with my parents brought us closer together in care. It was cheery to see my cousin and her new husband (and their new greyhound, Leader). I sat on the back deck of my Aunt’s house and watched birds and hawks as we spoke. I took time to write. I exercised.

These are precious commodities, but we don’t think of them as gifts. So, I move that we rearrange many of our values. People want to be loved in different ways. I am not a good gift receiver. That is because receiving gifts makes me feel grateful, but it does not make me feel loved. My girlfriend loves gifts, usually flowers, small notes or cards or something simple that she’s picked out as really wanting. I imagine that a big-screen TV would not do the trick, even though she loves gifts.

But other people receive love in different ways, like through quality time. It is the gift of self. Yet we don’t often pat ourselves on the back for hanging out with friends, though we are really giving the gift of our time, attention and concern. When you were a kid, you wanted someone to play with. Is it really so different now, or do you enjoy dining alone, watching a movie alone or going shopping alone?

Physical affection is another. It would be a better Christmas present to my dog for me to scratch behind her ears than to buy her a new dog house. And I’m much the same way. Rub my shoulders, and you’ve made me feel loved in a way that a new house could not. If I ever get married, I’d rather my wife buy herself a new piece of lingerie for my birthday than get me a present because physical affection is a gift more precious than a new car.

Whatever luxury is, it is not luxury stuff. These are the precious possessions of men: discipline, peace, love, friends, self-control, a hobby, a dream, a faith, a future. A new rifle is not better than the marksman’s skill, and a suit does not clothe a man with dignity. These things we cannot give. So we try with stuff. That can be quite a burden.

But don’t go nuts and refuse to buy anyone presents. I encourage everyone to scale back the gifts. But, more important than what you do for Christmas regarding gifts, take time to give the gifts that really matter. Then, no matter what you buy Charlene, Eric, Meredith or Zach for Christmas, they will feel your love. Isn’t that the point of life? To love and to be loved? To seek peace and simplicity?

Here’s an idea. Make a list of everyone who is close to you, including family, friends, etc. Then, in the next column write down two things you could do for each person to make their day. You know what they are. Go and do them. And you need not wait until Christmas, for the world and its people always celebrate, without trees and decorations, when more love is brought in.