Spring is in the air. And in my nose. And it’s filling up my sinus cavities. I itch as if having an allergic reaction, though this reaction is not to the pollen or the dust dancing through the air in the wake of our spring-cleaning frenzy. Spring is a time of antsy anticipation.
As the daffodils push forth their first yellow flowers, plans that I planted with care as far back as October are finally leafing out as well. Some will bear fruit, others will not, but I believe there’s value to be found in that I enjoyed planting each of them, regardless of the outcome. The long work of curating and maintaining these growing dreams continues, but writing away on my senior thesis in a coffee shop looks increasingly less appealing as Knoxville finally receives its fair share of beautiful weather.
Days are longer now, both in terms of the hours of sunlight we experience and the level of exhaustion I feel at the end of the day. It’s as if the volume on background processes that my mind constantly works through has been turned up, and these thoughts of my future and reflections on the past suddenly have more depth and require more of my attention. What ifs are becoming whens and mights are becoming hows. The not so distant, after-graduation future is gaining more definition and vivid color each day, just like the spring awakening amongst the trees and flowers and bird nests outside.
Every day travels along its own progression of rejuvenation and resignation for me. I wake up to the cool mornings, made bearable by a cup of coffee, ready to take on the day’s tasks with near excitement. They might not all be pleasant chores, but at least they will be over in mere hours, I tell myself. By the end of the day, I’ve picked all of the low-hanging, manageable fruit from my to do list, and I’m left with those dreaded long-term projects that might not ever be completed. I feel twangs of guilt as I go for a run to shake off these nasty feelings of trepidation. Those hobbies that keep me balanced and happy feel like avoidance tactics. I go to bed without accomplishing everything that I had set out to do, and I sleep restlessly, simply trying to burn through those last hours before I can wake up and feel as if I’ve been given a new start with the rising sun.
The end of another semester, another school year, and my college career is ending, as it is for many of you. In our last spring at UT, or your last spring at UT until the next spring thaws the city, the ultimate hurdle that we must jump over or barge through is embracing the warmth, excitement and jovial brilliance of this season of big projects and hard work. Keep your chin up and your heart orientated toward your best guess at the right direction. We will all make it to the dog days of summer together, and the view over our shoulders will be remarkable.
Kenna Rewcastle is a senior in College Scholars. She can be reached at [email protected].
