I realized a long time ago that things usually don’t go as planned, but more recently, I’ve embraced life’s unpredictable detours as an even better alternative. Murphy’s law, the rule that states anything that can go wrong will inevitably happen, is essentially a roadmap that puts you on life’s scenic route.
I stayed on that scenic route for the entirety of my Spring Break, an assessment that I’m sure applies to many of your spring breaks as well. It was in a Texas Panhandle campsite right off of the scenic route that I found myself stepping out of my tent to squat in the desert. I was squatting, and then I wasn’t. The next frame of this soon-to-be blockbuster comedy sees me lying in the tent as my friend removed cactus needles of all shapes and sizes from my forehead, my legs, my hands and my bare ass.
To truly experience these unforeseen adventures, you really don’t need a roadmap. The sequence of events in and of themselves leaves you with no choice about what happens next. Niki had no choice but to ask Siri to locate the nearest hospital in Tucumcari, New Mexico. Dr. Walter printed out a sheet of wikiHow advice on how to remove the cacti from my rear end, and tears of laughter and pain poured from my eyes as Niki ripped duck tape off my butt for a seemingly endless period of time. I guess you could say that we stopped to ask for directions. I called my Mom, and when she wasn’t gasping for air between bouts of sidesplitting laughter, she stated that I should be on the lookout for hallucinations, a common symptom of cactus acupuncture, she said. My dad sent me a YouTube clip from The Lion King depicting an unfortunate hyena whose friends similarly referred to him as “Cactus Butt.”
We pushed through so many cups of gas station coffee, countless Subway sandwiches and a butt riddled with cacti needles to Red Rock, Nevada. Fearless Andy pointed us to a rock face and showed us how to tape up our hands, and I dragged my cactus butt up a 700 foot cliff. While we snacked on peanut M&M’s from a ledge, we could see the resorts and casinos on the Las Vegas Strip across the desert. We completely lost all sanity as we turned around and headed east on I-40, Knoxville or bust. The soundtrack of our madness was a playlist of middle school classics, with Cute is What We Aim For, Teddy Geiger and James Blunt abounding.
It has been an indescribably perfect Spring Break — the best yet — as a senior year Spring Break should be. But other than climbing in Red Rock, not a single drop of it went as planned. Inexplicable perfection is the most satisfying flavor, I’ve found, and tasting it requires very little. Find a traveling companion, someone that you’d feel comfortable bearing your ass to and put them in your car. Pack an open mind, drink plenty of water and expect potholes.
Kenna Rewcastle is a senior in College Scholars. She can be reached at [email protected].
