Among the list of important sentiments around the holiday season such as family, giving, gratitude and love, is the main priority of relishing in the brief social acceptability of turning on a Christmas movie.
Here is a definitive, absolute and nonnegotiable list of the best of the best.
Branch manager of Zenotek Clay Vantone is notified by his sister and CEO, Carol Vanstone, that the company has not met its yearly quota and thus threatens to lay off nearly half the branch, cut bonuses and worst of all, cancel the annual Christmas party. With an enormous amount of problems to deal with, the audience follows Clay as he puts together a series of the worst ideas one could ever come up with in order to save his job and his Christmas party.
Released in 2016, “Office Christmas Party” is a comedy that did not get half of the recognition or praise that it deserves. Utterly ridiculous and mindless in its hilarity, this is the kind of movie you will genuinely laugh out loud at.
There is nothing quite like an exceptionally unintelligent, dense and shallow movie to cleanse your palate of the peppermint candy, cheer-filled season. When you are exhausted from receiving “season’s greetings,” seeing slogans like “the gift is giving” or hearing Mariah Carey sing about whatever she wants for Christmas, here is a movie to, in a way, combat the Christmas spirit.
You can watch “Office Christmas Party” on Netflix.
4. Elf
“Elf” seemingly aims to both spread Christmas cheer and make fun of it. It is streaming on HBO Max.
The genius and excellence of “Elf” truly needs no explanation, but one will be given anyways.
Buddy, a baby at an orphanage, accidentally winds up in Santa’s sack. Rather than getting returned to the orphanage, Buddy is raised in the North Pole and assumes the role of an oversized elf. However, all grown up now, Buddy wants to travel from the North Pole to New York City to meet his biological father who is lacking in two areas: Christmas spirit and his knowledge of Buddy’s existence.
There is a uniqueness here in “Elf” that is not present in the other films on this list. While this movie contains the same slap-stick, brainless and asinine humor that Office Christmas Party has, it also has an evergreen and iconic feel about it than more traditionally appreciated Christmas movies do. “Elf” seemingly aims to both spread Christmas cheer and make fun of it. What more could one possibly ask for?
“Elf” is streaming on HBO Max.
You can find “The Polar Express” on HBO Max and Prime Video.
On Christmas Eve, Billy, a young boy, boards a train in the middle of the night headed to the North Pole. In a magical sequence of events, we follow Billy’s journey, literally and metaphorically, on his way to meet Santa.
“The Polar Express” is a classic among classics. Its aesthetic makes this the perfect movie for the gloomy winter weather. It’s the kind of movie to surround with Christmas-like activities. It makes you want to be cliché and Hallmark-y. When “The Polar Express” is on, it is universally acceptable to make hot chocolate and drink it while wrapped in a Christmas themed blanket — or even worse, in matching Christmas pajamas.
“The Polar Express” is magical, exciting and deeply nostalgic. This is the kind of movie that just reminds you of sitting on the ground in elementary school on the last day before winter break. The magical environment and dream-like animation is absolutely awe-inducing. Simply put, it has a truly enchanted feeling. It can never and will never get old.
You can find “The Polar Express” on HBO Max and Prime Video.
Nobody knows this mall like he does. Paul Blart, a diabetic mall cop, is coming off another failed attempt at becoming a New Jersey State Trooper and is preparing to spend another holiday season alone. However, despite going “goose egg for eight” and having no game with the ladies, Paul keeps his chin up and shoppers safe on the busiest shopping day of the year — Black Friday.
Detect, deter, observe, report: the mall cop creed. As mall traffic spikes with the holiday season quickly approaching, Paul finds himself in the middle of a bank robbery inside the mall. The cops are telling him to get out of the building, but if Paul Blart has learned one thing, it’s that “safety never takes a holiday.”
Some people would consider this a Thanksgiving movie. Some people don’t know what they’re talking about.
Throughout Paul’s story, we are reminded in the most unconventional and non-cheesy way what Christmas is all about — love in every shape, form and meaning of the word. You will be surely surprised when you find yourself pulling out the tissues on behalf of this hypoglycemic security guard’s journey. It is also worth keeping in mind that this is all done with a completely and utterly unreal soundtrack to back it up.
Paul Blart: A hero, an underdog and an inspiration. A mall cop.
Find “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” on Hulu.
1. Die Hard
What makes “Die Hard” the best Christmas movie of all time is the fact that despite the weaponry, gun fire and explicit nature of the story, John is just a man returning home to his family. “Die Hard” is available to rent on Prime Video.
John McClane, a cop from New York City, is visiting his wife in Los Angeles for the holidays. He arrives to attend her office party at the Nakatomi Plaza the day before Christmas. During the party, however, his wife and several other members in her company are taken as hostages by a group of terrorists. McClane, initially with nothing but a handgun and his New York City grit, wages war on the terrorists from inside the building when outside help fails to step up.
There are many areas of this movie that make it the clear-cut best Christmas movie of all time, but we need to start by defining “Die Hard” as a Christmas movie in general. This is a major point of contention for Christmas movie enthusiasts. Some would call it a Christmas movie, others would call it a movie that takes place during Christmas time. However, the Die-Hard-deniers fail to see what’s in front of their eyes.
Not only are there Christmas trees decorated in the background, there are Santa hats too. The soundtrack has a plethora of holiday tunes. “Ho-ho-ho’s” are exchanged in some forms and in varying modes of delivery. There are… light shows. One could argue fireworks of sorts. However, the real defining factor in what makes it a Christmas movie are the themes and sentiment.
What makes “Die Hard” the best Christmas movie of all time is the fact that despite the weaponry, gun fire and explicit nature of the story, John is just a man returning home to his family. He is patching up an estranged relationship and by the end of the film we all realize that what matters most is not his fight with the terrorists or sticking it to the LA cops, it’s about wanting to be with his family for the holidays. Of course, there is a means to the end and in this case, the means happen to be combat.
“Die Hard” is available to rent on Prime Video.
While these top five are simply the best, there are some honorable mentions including “Home Alone” (Disney+), “Love Actually” (Peacock) and “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (Disney+).
Happy holidays to Vols and to Vols a good night.
“Elf” seemingly aims to both spread Christmas cheer and make fun of it. It is streaming on HBO Max.
