ll of the tattoos, body piercing and leather pants in the world couldn’t save the pseudo-Bond XXX from its own stupidity.
Vin Diesel plays Xander Cage, whose preferred name (or possibly his shirt size) “XXX” is tattooed to the back of his neck, just in case he forgets. An extreme-sports adrenaline junkie with a hit-or-miss political agenda, Xander is recruited by National Security Agency big gun Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) to infiltrate a Russian gang known as “Anarchy ’99,” whose goal is to conquer the world via biological warfare.
Despite some initial reluctance on account of his oversized attitude, Xander goes about accomplishing this mission by hanging out in Prague techno clubs and blowing stuff up.
That’s not the whole plot, of course. Vin also has to get the girl – the dangerously provocative Russian Yelena (Asia Argento), a real bad girl who is isn’t afraid either to drive fast or shoot a gun.
It’s just too bad the film doesn’t ever realize that it is the butt of its own joke. There are times when the action sequences are so overblown and the dialogue is so Neanderthal that the whole thing almost comes off as a well-done parody.
The sad part is, it’s for real.
XXX has brawn, not brains. The action sequences are endless variations on the same scene: There is a chase, with eight different shots from eight different camera angles as Xander does the same stunt, then an amazing explosion with Xander jumping over the amazing explosion, all in slow motion. Repeat.
And as impressive as the stunts may seem, their bravado is undermined by the fact that they don’t make any logical sense. How does a motorcyclist jump over a house without a ramp? Why jump out of an airplane with grenades to start an avalanche (which must then be avoided) when grenades can be simply tossed out of the airplane?
But coherence is not what this Rob Cohen-directed film is about. Rather, it is a film about Xander driving fast cars, crashing fast cars, riding motorcycles, skateboarding, snow boarding, sky-diving, snow boarding while skydiving, playing with high-tech gadgets and setting things on fire – all of which is admittedly pretty cool to watch.
And even better, he can do all these things within the parameters of a parent-approved PG-13 rating! Xander may truly be, as the film claims, the “new breed of super agent” – a 21st century action hero who is as likely to espouse the virtues of video games as he is to eschew the evils of cigarettes.
This film will make all kinds of money from its teenaged target audience, and rumor has it that additional XXX movies are in the pipeline. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just so long as the audience at all times remembers to keep its disbelief securely suspended.
XXX is playing at Carmike 10, Farragut Towne Square, Foothills 12, Halls Cinema 7 and West Town Mall.
Rating: D
