Intimate relationships are meant to be safe, protective spaces. However, such relationships sometimes take a turn for the worse when violence or emotional abuse is introduced.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and as such, it is important to recognize the prevalence of domestic abuse, both physical and emotional. According to UT Professor Gregory Stuart, who has studied intimate partner violence for almost 30 years, 80% of UT undergraduate students report that in a relationship in the past year, they have experienced some form of psychological aggression. Thirty percent report that they have experienced some form of physical aggression, and 20% have experienced some form of sexual coercion.

In general, it is difficult to know who exactly is affected by domestic violence because the crime often goes unreported.

There are a multitude of risk factors associated with the presentation of domestic violence. One such risk factor is substance abuse, as those with alcohol or drug-use disorders are more likely to perpetrate violence.

“The substance that is most strongly related to violence perpetration is alcohol. … People are more likely to use physical aggression, sexual coercion and psychological aggression on days that they drink relative to days that they don’t drink,” Stuart said.

Substance abuse in combination with other aggravating factors, such as a negative mood or poor emotional regulation, can result in an even greater risk of domestic violence perpetration. Unfortunately, few long-term, longitudinal studies have been completed on intimate partner violence, so the possible need to identify more risk factors remains imperative.

Oftentimes, violence from one partner leads to violence from both partners, Stuart explained.

“One of the problems with introducing violence into a relationship at all is that violence often begets more violence, so if I initiate it my partner is more likely to retaliate, and if my partner initiates it, then I may be more likely to retaliate. So for every reason it’s better to keep violence off the table at all times,” Stuart said.

Another form of domestic abuse that may not directly involve physical violence, but can be just as harmful, is psychological aggression. Such emotional abuse can occur in numerous ways: name-calling, humiliating a partner, gaslighting, calling a partner crazy, restricting a partner’s contact with friends and family, constantly demanding to know where a partner is and what they are doing and more. As with violence, physical aggression occurs in varying degrees of severity.

Oftentimes, victims don’t recognize psychological abuse right away, as it is not always as obvious as direct physical violence. Psychologically abusive behaviors may be so repetitive that the victim becomes accustomed to the abuse and no longer recognizes the behavior as abuse. 

Stuart teaches a course, PSYC 481, on intimate partner violence and has witnessed students’ surprised responses to learning about the behavior that constitutes psychological abuse. 

“When they have looked at different measures of psychological aggression, and they’ve read over the items, their eyes widen and they realize that maybe their partner does a lot of those things to them or maybe they do a lot of things to partners, and I think it’s really important to be vigilant to look at that because one of the other things that research has suggested is that oftentimes people perceive the psychological aggression to be more damaging to their mental health than the physical,” Stuart said.

Additionally, with the advent of the internet age, psychological aggression has adopted a new form in cyber aggression. The internet and social media have offered new platforms for abusers to contact or harass their victims, Stuart explained.

“In the past, if one wanted to use, let’s say, psychological aggression against one’s partner, one either needed to do it face to face or one needed to do it over the telephone, but now with the advent of social media and smartphones and so on, cyber aggression can take a ton of different forms ranging from constantly checking up on somebody to text bombing them to violating their privacy to shaming them on social media,” Stuart said. “So again, one of the things that has emerged over the years is a proliferation of the ways that couples can use technology to harm the other.”

Domestic violence can have detrimental effects on the victim’s mental health or, in the case of abuse perpetrated in both directions, on both of the partners’ mental health.

“I think it really varies, but we certainly know that violence victimization is associated with all kinds of negative mental health outcomes, including, in the severe cases, post traumatic stress disorder or post traumatic stress disorder symptoms. [Violence victimization] is certainly associated with depression, with greater levels of anxiety, with greater levels of stress and it really does have severe negative consequences for victims,” Stuart said.

When it comes to leaving an abusive relationship, Stuart explained that it often takes victims several tries to fully leave a relationship. A number of factors impact the decision or ability to leave, such as the victim’s financial situation, whether or not the couple has children together, the severity of the violence and the couple’s living situation, among others.

Catherine Oaks is the director of victim services at the Helen Ross McNabb Center, which serves victims of domestic violence by connecting them with resources to rebuild their lives.

Oaks explained that the power dynamic in a relationship, which can involve control over financial resources, greatly influences whether or not a victim is able to leave an abusive relationship. Abusers target specific vulnerabilities, such as threatening to seek full custody of the couple’s children, to coerce victims into remaining in the relationship.

“We do know that a lot of times, it may take a victim multiple times to leave and stay separated from an abuser, and that really relates back to how we’re in control of the relationship,” Oaks said. “We know that abusers, their whole M.O. is using that power and control over a victim, and they know how to manipulate that power and control, so the chances are not everyday is necessarily bad. A lot of times it’s that partners, they might be appear to be loving or kind one day. and they use that and those good moments to keep someone stuck in that relationship, and that’s how they really manipulate that.”

The McNabb Center, whose 24/7 crisis hotline can be reached at 865-637-8000, caters to victims of both physical and psychological abuse, and they house women and their children in a shelter at an undisclosed location, open 24/7. The center also offers resources for men at another location.

McNabb works alongside the Sexual Assault Center of East Tennessee, as well as the Family Justice Center, to connect victims with counseling, transitional housing, outreach education and advocacy services, as well as help them obtain orders of protection if needed.

Oaks explained that while some survivors arrive with obvious physical wounds in the form of black eyes or broken arms, others come to the center with more discreet mental injuries.

“Their wounds may not be visible to the eye, but are deep within, and [they] are trying to overcome some of those challenges and the abuse that they’ve experienced, whether it be verbal abuse, the name calling, the ridiculing, the emotional abuse, making someone feel like they’re crazy, the gaslighting,” Oaks said. 

The COVID-19 pandemic has altered certain dynamics at the McNabb Center. Calls decreased at the beginning of the pandemic, likely because victims stuck at home with abusers during stay-at-home orders would not have the opportunity to call the center without being in earshot of their abusers. However, calls have increased again as stay-at-home orders were lifted.

Additionally, some victims were worried about being exposed to the coronavirus in the shelter.

“It created a different barrier because people were concerned about living in a communal living environment and living around other groups of people where they could potentially be more exposed to the virus,” Oaks said.

Oaks recommends that victims who are trying to leave their abusers prepare a plan and a “go bag” with important documents, important items, any necessary medications and cash. Victims may also want to consider if an abuser can track them on their cell phone and whether or not the abuser is home when they leave. The most dangerous time for victims is directly after leaving an abuser, so it may also be beneficial to inform family or friends about the plan to leave in order to have outside help, as well as research local crisis hotlines and shelters.

If a friend or family member has unexplained cuts or bruises, is constantly making excuses for their partner and feels fearful around their partner, they may be a victim of domestic abuse. It is important to support them, connect them with the appropriate resources — such as the McNabb center — and inform them about certain signs of abuse, such as controlling behavior, extreme jealously or intimidation. 

Seeking counseling can help a victim identify an abusive relationship by examining the relationship from an objective point of view. If there is a threat of immediate danger or harm, call 911.

Stuart hopes that opening up the discussion around domestic violence will help draw awareness to the issue and inform victims of domestic abuse and their friends about available resources.

“As a clinical psychologist, my default is that when people have open conversations about things that are hurtful to them or going wrong with them, that resources are out there to help them,” Stuart said.