“You started this; I’ll end it. I’m going to tear you apart.”
Good god, does he end it.
“Rambo: Last Blood” is the fifth film in the “Rambo” action franchise. While the “Rambo” films may have been staples of the 1980s, the less than fantastic 2008 film let me and many others know that the character should just stay in the 80s.
However, Sylvester Stallone and the people at Lionsgate appear to think otherwise. With the announcement of “Rambo: Last Blood,” I was cautiously optimistic. Sure, the chances of getting a bad film were pretty high, but maybe I could at least get some enjoyment out of seeing old Stallone take down some bad guys.
Well, I was at least partially correct: the film certain was bad.
Eleven years after 2008’s “Rambo,” John Rambo has taken over his late father’s horse ranch and lives there with his housekeeper, Maria Beltran, and her granddaughter, Gabriella. Rambo has spent the past decade raising Gabriella as his own after her mother died and her father left. When Gabriella is kidnapped by a Mexican cartel, Rambo must take on the cartel and rescue her.
Oh boy, where to start with this film. The plot is an absolutely generic mess. It feels like a plot I’ve seen a thousand times before: a young woman gets kidnapped and older man must go save her. I cared so little about the characters that it was incredibly difficult to get invested in the film. This was thanks to a laughably bad script and all-around terrible performances.
That’s right, not even the styling of Sly himself were enough to give this film even a semblance of charm. I understand that Rambo is a messed-up war vet, but it would have been nice to get some emotion out of the guy. Instead, we get a constant, dead pan/angry demeanor out of Stallone that is less fun to watch than he thinks it is.
I could rip into every single actor in this film, but that just feels cruel, seeing as how they were given literally nothing to work with. Usually good actors such as Paz Vega are terrible because they simply have nothing to do. For instance, Vega, who gets second billing in the film, is in the movie for about three minutes total. Her role serves only as a plot device, as is the case with pretty much every character in the film.
But how is the action? you might be asking. Well, I think I would have really enjoyed it if it wasn’t so over the top violent. It feels as if someone was told they could do absolutely whatever they wanted seeing as how the film had an R-rating and they just went off. I’m just as desensitized as the next guy, but this film constantly had me asking did they really have to do that?
When I wasn’t questioning the sanity of the filmmakers, I was audibly laughing at scenes that were supposed to be super serious and meaningful. I feel bad for the other people that were seeing the movie but, come on.
It is truly sad that this is most likely the end of John Rambo’s story. “Rambo: Last Blood” is such a sad, generic, terrible film that I could barely find any enjoyment out of that wasn’t ironic. I know that
Stallone and his team can do better, which is why I’m so disappointed by this film. All that we can hope for now is that they leave they end the franchise with this… don’t hurt my boy Rambo anymore, please.
There is a small chance that you might find some kind of ironic enjoyment out of the film like I did. If you really want to pay $13 to see old Stallone gruesomely cut some people up, then by all means, see this film. If you want anything resembling a good movie, however, maybe you should just re-watch the original film.
1.5/5 Stars
