With football season in full sweep, students and other patrons searching for shallow conversation and cheap drinks flood the Strip and house parties on the weekends. While having a good time usually involves free action and YOLO’ing, there are some guidelines to follow to ensure your social life doesn’t end at the ripe age of 21.

1. Learn the lingo

Social media has killed the English language, so in order to figure out what people are talking about, make sure you’re up to date on the latest 2012 jargon, boo.

2. Dress to impress

Just because no clothes will get you more Instagram likes doesn’t mean you should really walk out of your house in anything. If you think you look like an escort in that dress, you probably do. Plus, it’s really hard to dance when your clothes are falling off.

3. Watch the booze

Look, no one wants to deal with a sloppy Sallie or a blackout Bart. Beer before liquor will make you sicker and liqour before beer you’re in the clear. As long as you are of age and you follow this guideline and your intuition and you may make it through the night without vomiting in front of your love interest.

4. Watch your feet

Look where you’re walking. The Fort is littered with broken glass, cigarette remains, trash and uneven pavement, all which are not conducive to a person traveling. Also, make sure you don’t bump into people at the party. It’s rude and you may get punched in the face.

5. Keep calm, keep cool

Parties are supposed to be a good time for everyone, but no one can enjoy dancing if you’re cursing someone out. Brush it off and have a good time. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

6. Social Readiness

Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife, and hide yo’ phone when you party. Waking up with 17 texts to two ex-boyfriends, three missed calls from your bank about overdraft fees, and four UT Alerts that you may or may not have been involved in is not a good thing. Think you’ll be tempted to send a bootie call? There are apps to prevent you from doing that, too.

7. Don’t shake the table

People will dare you to do a myriad of things throughout your life, but that doesn’t mean you should do all of them with vigor. Ambition is cool when applying for jobs, but it just makes you look like an idiot when you use it while you’re intoxicated. Don’t dance on the table because someone dared you to. You want to be remembered as the cool person with the crazy swag, not the party spectacle.

8. We pity the foo’ who does hard drugs

This is self explanatory. Drugs are bad and they ruin your body, which, the last time we checked, you only get one in a lifetime. Take care of it by not drinking till you hurl and doing drugs. Get your high from dancing and dubstep.