Several years ago, when I was a journalism major, I wrote a column describing the use of ninjas as a literary tool. While I am sure we all are familiar with the extensive use of the ninja in literature, today I want to dis

cuss the legal aspects of being a ninja. Now I realize I am only a first year law student; my knowledge of the law is still limited, but I was surprised to learn how much ninjas have contributed to our legal system. You see, the American legal system is b

ased on hundreds of years of English common law. In medieval England, ninjas roamed the countryside attacking both lords and commoners. (You would be surprised by the number of English lords that were injured by throwing stars.) At that time, groups of ni

njas traveled together in bands called torts. These roaming torts virtually ruled the English countryside for hundreds of years. Finally, the English decided to put a stop to the whole mess. The king’s army rounded up most of the ninjas and brought them b

efore the high court of the land.

The ninjas escaped criminal prosecution on a legal technicality involving a poorly-worded statute that negated criminal liability if the attacker wore a black mask and hood. Seeking justice, the English people filed one of the largest class action civil s

uits in history against the ninjas for battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress. In that case, Silly English People v. Ninja Hordes, the court awarded 10 million pounds of damages to the people. The ninjas went bankrupt. Many had to sell t

heir throwing stars just to eat. Since that time, all civil cases involving injury have been know as torts. In modern tort law, ninjas are often held to a different standard than ordinary people. In the famous 1972 case, Black Ninja v. Red Ninja, the Blac

k Ninja came to the lair of Red Ninja one night to pay a visit on his old friend. While on the path to the lair, Black Ninja accidentally set off one of Red Ninja’s poison dart traps and was killed instantly. Black Ninja’s family sued Red Ninja for neglig

ence in failing to disarm his traps prior to the visit. The court held that while normal people would be liable for using poison darts on visitors to their property, ninjas would be held to a higher standard. The court said that a “reasonable ninja” would

have anticipated the poison dart trap and his own negligence contributed to his death. Since that time, the reasonable ninja standard has been used by courts across the country in ninja related accidents.

Our criminal law system also holds ninjas to a different standard. For most crimes, the prosecution has to prove that a person acted willfully or intentionally in order for them to be convicted. Ninjas, however, are only required to act with recklessness

for them to be culpable. (The standard is based on the Latin phrase argumentum ad ninjaum, meaning ninjas should know better.) Statutes still exist in some states that make it a crime to even be a ninja. Fortunately, these discriminatory crimes are rarely

enforced. The American Ninja League recently made a constitutional challenge against one of those statutes in Georgia in a case involving two high school teenagers at a Halloween party. The state supreme court overturned the law, ruling that the First Am

endment protected a person’s right to be a ninja. While ninjas tend to mainly appear in tort and criminal law, there are also a host of laws related to ninjas and contract formation. According to the Uniform Commercial Code subsection 2-999, which governs

ninjas, if a ninja accepts an offer, the offerer may not add additional terms to the agreement. Anyone who attempts to do so may be killed outright by the accepting ninja. As a practical matter, ninja contract disputes almost never come down to mortal co

mbat. Most ninjas are familiar enough with the codes to work out the details prior to contract formation. (Subsection 2-999 only covers contracts between regular people and ninjas. Deals between two ninjas, or two bands of ninjas are covered under subsect

ion 2-999(a). Under that code, ninjas may battle each other for additional terms).

As you can see, modern ninja law has become a complex field. Ninja law is changing every day. Almost all accredited law schools now offer at least a few courses in ninja litigation and dispute. (UT offers three classes, Ninja Torts, Contract Ninjas and In

tellectual Ninja Property.) As more and more ninjas come to the United States looking for work, the need for experienced ninja litigators will only rise. Many large law firms have already establishing ninja law departments. It is an exciting branch of the

law that I would recommend for anyone.

– Matthew Trail is a first year law student specializing in ninja-related torts. He can now be reached at [email protected], and, yes, he knows that is a cool e-mail address.