Let’s talk about (safe) sex, baby.
While most people may be generally aware of the risks of STIs and unplanned pregnancy, there are certain specifics when it comes to safe sex that college students may not fully understand, starting with condoms.
Condoms are not one size fits all. While most penises fit into a regular size condom, that rule does not apply to everyone. If a condom is too tight with no room at the tip or sliding off, then a condom is more likely to break and not work properly. A correctly fitting condom can bust the myths that condoms are uncomfortable or ruin sex.
Billie Amatuus-Salaam, wellness director for the Center for Health Education and Awareness, recommended finding a sample pack with various condom sizes and finding what your size is.
“Wearing the right size increases the likelihood that you’re going to continue to use condoms because it fits — it’s not uncomfortable,” Amatuus-Salaam said.
Condoms aren’t just to prevent unplanned pregnancies though. Condoms and other barrier methods, like a female condom or a dental dam, also protect from STIs and HIV while other contraceptives that only pregnancy cannot provide the same bacterial protection.
While the dangers of STIs are always something to be careful of, Amatuus-Salaam stressed being especially careful when pursuing sex with partners you may not know as intimately.
“You don’t know if they also practice safer sex with their other sexual partners,” Amatuus-Salaam said. “I do think if you’re making those decisions you kind of have to weigh your risks. There’s also the option to engage in sexual activity that’s less risky too. Maybe instead of having penetrative sex with someone you just met or maybe you weren’t prepared with condoms or anything, there are other things you can do. “
Amatuus-Salaam and Ashley Blamey, director of the Center for Health Education and Wellness, also emphasized another aspect of safe sex: consent.
“All this is a choice,” Blamey said. “As far as consensual sex and consensual alcohol use, those things don’t happen without your participation.”
This includes continued consent while with someone that you know well and have been intimate before. However, Amatuus-Salaam explained that intimacy without sexual activity, like kissing and cuddling, can still show someone you care about them without having to cross your comfort zone.
“You’re young, you’re still dating. There’s going to be someone else who will respect those boundaries,” Amatuus-Salaam said. “It’s important to be a little selfish sometimes and look out for yourself that way.”
To actively, enthusiastically consent, regardless of how far they want to go, Blamey encouraged students to “find your voice about where your own personal lines are drawn.”
“I think that’s something that maybe some of our students haven’t heard before — every individual having the responsibility,” Blamey said. “Because I always ask at orientation whose responsibility is it to come up with how you’re going to manage sexual safety, and it’s not unusual that people tend to say the guy or tend not to say anything. Then we reemphasize it’s everyone’s responsibility because if you’re going to make this choice, you’re also taking on the inherent risk in it.”
This boils down to sexual agency, or having ownership and control over your own body. Amatuus-Salaam said this is the best practice for participating in safe sex.
“Throughout your life, that’s really something you should have,” Blamey said about Amatuus-Salaam’s explanation of sexual agency. “… Like, I’m in charge of my body and I can make decisions about my body and that’s my job … The reality is we need to be responsible for our body and we get to make choices about it.”
Regardless of how you practice safe sex though, Blamey said these are issues students need to be talking about, regardless of any stigma they might have grown up hearing.
“This is a health issue,” Blamey said. “Even talking about condom fit, though that may make some people uncomfortable, those are the things you have to talk about to make sure people are staying safe.”
