I must admit that I'm not as social as I used to be. On the weekends, I

used to wake up and watch cartoons. Now I wash dishes or do laundry. On

Saturday nights when the Strip is alive, I am dead asleep by 11 p.m. I have

watched all hopes and prospects of a healthy social life slip away. The

energy and anticipation I once had about dating has turned into

despair.

There was a time when being young and single meant something. My early 20s

were filled with club hopping in New York City. I can remember dancing the

nights away to old-school hip hop and R/B. Sometimes, me and my friends

would close down the clubs - not leaving until 4 a.m. And the men! That was

the main attraction. My girlfriends and I would go shopping to find the

perfect outfits. By 10 p.m., we were ready to go. We looked good. We

smelled great. The nightly mission was to "get the digits" of the cutest

guys in the clubs.

Now in my sixth year of post-undergraduate studies, I long for those

experiences again. No longer do I have time to get dressed for the clubs.

Heck, I barely get dressed for class. The only shopping I do is for my

"teaching" wardrobe. All the dates I had, all the numbers I collected have

now vanished. I am stuck recycling ex-boyfriends through outrageous long

distance telephone bills. I am young, single and free. So why do my chances

of romantic prospects seem so slim?

I think I have the answer. It seems as though the time to date and the pool

of candidates gets slimmer once you are in graduate school. A cartoon in a

popular news magazine last year showed a man and a woman in bed together.

The woman leans over and says "Honey, not tonight, I'm a Ph.D. candidate."

While that remark may seem humorous, I bet the physical and social

activities of many graduate students take a dramatic dip to nonexistence.

The actual amount of time grad students have is limited. Between classes,

research, conferences, and perhaps teaching, graduate students barely have

enough time to eat dinner and get decent sleep. By time the weekend comes,

most are too exhausted to do anything.

Maybe I am being too cynical. Perhaps I am the only graduate student

running around with a lonely heart. I guess things would not be so bad if I

was a real grown up. A 9-to-5 would put me in a better position to meet

people. My work would not follow me home. I could enjoy the sunrise and

sunsets instead of living in buildings for 10 hours everyday. On the

weekends, I could actual plan a night of fun and adventure with my friends.

The possibilities would be endless.

On the other hand, it could be my female hormones kicking in. I am

approaching my 30s - kicking and screaming, I might add. Somewhere inside

of me, a small clock is ticking. Now I know I have my whole life ahead of

me to plan for a family. But let's face it, I am not getting any younger.

So, I struggle to ward of the internal call of motherhood. Instead, I worry

about students, comps and the dissertation. Potential dates must sit by and

watch their position drop to last place on my priority list. And that has

to be hard. No one wants to be second or third. We all want to be first.

However, in the life of a graduate student, so many things are fighting for

that coveted spot. This often means that people, especially those who want

to be close to us, lose out.

I am now stuck with a permanent relationship that I did not count on.

School is my boyfriend. And for better or worse, we will have to stick this

out. While I wish there were a better way to balance the human need for

companionship versus my adviser's need to see me graduate, I cannot. I get

excited when I hang out in the library. I dance with glee when I do a

database search. I am happy when my students get excited about class

topics. However, I don't think most people feel this sense of euphoria. I

want to have that young feeling again, the fun I used to have when I went

out to a club, met someone and started a relationship. However, I can't do

those things now. I don't think my current boyfriend would like it.