Somewhere along the line, the word 'funding' became a dirty word. For those

of you who don't believe this is so, just try saying it anywhere around

campus nowadays. Upon uttering that tiny, two syllable word, mystical

forces ensure that someone will look up at you with a slightly miffed

expression planted firmly on their mug. For those of us who take a sick

pleasure in irritating people, this issue is something of a Godsend. I find

it so because the root of the problem is yet to be directly addressed. This

is not simply an issue of tax reform, because it is not an issue of money

at all. This is an issue of progress, or, more accurately, the continual

impediment of progress.

Progress is defined as "an advance, improvement or development." No matter

which definition you feel more inclined towards, it is obvious that neither

truly applies to the great state of Tennessee. If we were somehow able to

change the definition to "stagnant" or "without forward movement", this

problem would suddenly disappear. Unfortunately, the ability to redefine

any word in the English language to suit my likings is beyond my ability.

Besides, if it were I'm sure I'd waste all of my time redefining dirty

words in order to weave them more conveniently into conversations. So,

since the systematic manipulation of the English language is completely out

of the question, we must find some other way to reconnect with the concept

of progress in its intended form.

Essentially, people are nothing more than large, overeducated animals with

a terrible fear of the unknown. The combination of these elements of human

nature creates an entity direly opposed to change. I link this to the

gradual subversion of the survival instinct in favor of the monetary

complex. The acquisition of material possessions has managed to replace the

concept of self-preservation. This would explain why they always bury

people in their nicest clothes, because I can't see any other reason for

it. This idea of possession drives people to do crazy things. For example,

I had a neighbor once who spent every Halloween in the bushes outside his

house scouting for people with eggs or toilet paper. This is a classic

example of consumer driven paranoia. Not to mention completely pointless,

since we always waited until he gave up and went to bed before we rolled

it.

Now that we have established that people have a natural fear of change,

particularly in regard to their wallets, we can probe the manner in which

this fear affects us today. I would bet that the majority of people in this

state would agree that the education system sucks and is in desperate need

of reform. If you were to propose to them, however, an income tax scheme

that would dump a ton of money into the ailing system, they would boo and

hiss you out of town. People have a natural instinct to overcome any

obstacle, but never when they have to pay for it. You can take my child and

lock him in a system of ineptitude, practically assuring that he will never

have the opportunity to reach his full potential, but you ain't touching my

damn DVD player.

So we see that funding is not an issue of tax reform or money allocation,

but one of individual greed at the expense of progress. Those of you that

have taken the time and effort to venture to Nashville in the hope of

changing the system for the better, I salute you. All of your efforts, I'm

sorry to say, are pointless, for they don't address the tradition of sloth

and ignorance that plagues the future of the state. Tennessee needs to grow

in a positive direction, and tax reform is only one small part of it. Until

people realize that our state is falling quickly behind every other state

in the country, they won't be willing to dig into their bank accounts to

fix it. This won't be easy either, because the prospect of tax hikes

doesn't seem desirable when compared to a big-screen TV. I am left only

with the hope that eventually the citizenry will pull their heads out of

their rears and vote to move forward. In the meantime, I hope to finish my

paltry, underfunded education and move on to a state where progress is

actually considered a good thing.