Spring semesters at UT have a few constants. Invariably discussions of NCAA Tournament brackets will grow rampant across campus in March, alarmingly insane fundamentalist protesters will make their return whenever the weather once again favors their escapades, and the Big Orange Farce that is the Student Government Association will hold their annual Panhellenic Popularity Games when spring is in full throat. Fret not, loyal “Deep End” readers, for even if you are not a fan of casual sports gambling, public demonstrations by repulsive loons, or woeful insults to the democratic process, there is something which we can all anticipate with excitement and optimism: Spring Break.
Now, like many, you may be contemplating traveling during your week off from your school. Florida, South Carolina, Mexico and various other regions are perennial favorites for academics looking for a break from the doldrums of research, exams and lectures. While these locales are fantastic choices, I feel it is my duty to alert you of a destination where a national custom is being put on full public display like never before. If you are looking for a place to go, I urge you to head to Washington, D.C.
Why D.C., you ask? Well, up in our nation’s capital, members of the federal government — specifically Congress — have decided to come out of the back rooms where their money-grabbing is normally done and put their cash-hungry selves on public display. Members of our nation’s legislative branch are shedding their suits, ties and tasteful pantsuits; pulling on their fishnet stockings; putting on heavy makeup; and taking their positions on every street corner that can be seen from East Capitol Street. That’s right, certain congresspersons and senators have taken up the world’s oldest profession: prostitution.
Now before the more eager and lustful of you go draining your bank accounts and buying your plane tickets in hopes of heading up to D.C. to get some action, I am not insinuating that members of Congress are selling themselves in search of cheap sex. After all, that’s why they have pages and interns. Instead, they are more or less openly and notoriously selling something much more important when it comes to public policy: their votes.
If you follow national politics to any degree, you no doubt already know that lobbyists representing wealthy special interests have become firmly entrenched in the halls of Capitol Hill and the pockets of members of Congress. They have secured a direct line to those who hold legislative power in this country and assured that any law that would stand a chance of helping the many will invariably stand the most arduous of challenges if it could have an even infinitesimal impact on the bottom lines of corporate America. Still, the way in which many supporters of the recently shelved Stop Online Piracy Act and Protect IP Act bills displayed their purchased support for these two moronically corrupt and constitutionally unsound laws is nothing short of disgraceful.
What is even more alarming than the fact that these bills almost gained serious traction is the fact that they knew no partisan bounds. Politicians on both sides of the aisle in both houses took up the cause. Even some of the most revered congressmen and women and senators declared or indicated their support for these bills that would have instituted limitations on the free flow of ideas and speech on the Internet all in the name of making sure that some tawdry pop song cannot be illegally downloaded by a 12-year-old girl in Topeka, Kan. Seriously, folks, we almost had a law imposed on us that would have made it illegal for you to post that semi-humorous video of your pet reacting to the playing of a song or television show because the company who owns the rights to that media playing in the background does not receive royalties for their product. How ridiculous.
Every time some sex scandal breaks in Washington, we always tend to hear members of the opposing political party come out and talk about how people in this nation rightfully hold elected leaders to a higher moral standard and how those officials need to learn to show personal restraint. Instead of worrying about what Sen. Joe Blow does in the bedroom of his D.C. apartment when his wife is not around, we need to be more concerned with how our legislators are hooking their votes out to the highest bidder at the cost of securing the constitution they swore to support and defend.
— Derek Mullins is a senior in political science. He can be reached at dmullin5@utk.edu.
