Hey there, Volunteers.
Long time, no see. It's been, what, a few months? Unless you've been following the Beacon's weekly summer paper (shameless plug), you're probably not up to speed on what's been happening here in Knoxvegas. Chances are, you've been hiking the AT or eating pizza in Rome or playing Yahtzee with your parents all summer. Maybe even all three. And that's okay (well, depending on how you feel about Yahtzee). We Beaconites have your back. We're here for you as you struggle to transition back to life on campus, which is notably devoid of lush green forestry as well as authentic Italian fare.
It's going to be tough, prodigal Vols, but The Daily Beacon's Welcome Back edition is bound to help. In fact, this paper could be the antidote to your back-to-school malaise. That's right. The Daily Beacon is known to have curative and restorative powers. It is also a useful substitute for gift wrap and pet cage liner, or so the Internet tells me. So even if you don't want to read this paper, why assume your hamster won't?
Oh, and just imagine the papier-mâché possibilities this paper offers. Sixty-two pages, my friend. Think of all the volcanoes you could make, each dripping with baking soda and vinegar lava.
But for those of you who don't own a hamster/don't give presents/hate crafts, here's my argument for picking up the Beacon everyday from now on. If you're already reading this letter, you're at least considering it. Admittedly, I'm biased. I've essentially sacrificed my life on the altar of student journalism. I'm currently contemplating a tattoo, just to make things official. But hear me out.